I have been putting off this post for a while, it has stayed in the back of mind and I have debated over the approach. Even the title I had trouble with. I have been running through different words in my mind to describe this child of mine...special, unique, different. Those all work but they didn't feel right, I felt like I was labeling him and that is exactly what I am trying hard to avoid. Individual. That works. It sums it up for me and is profoundly how I wish to view my children, as individuals.
It has been a difficult year for me dealing with Isaac. I have struggled with alot this year. I have put many excuses on it, the fact that we brought a new life into his world, the complete 180 in parent styles, the lack of a once stringent routine, his age, his personality, I have even blamed his father's genes a time or two. The fact is even though all these things do play a role, my gut is telling me something more is going on.
Diagnosis. This word makes my skin crawl. To go this far, to search out a diagnosis and forever put a label over his head is so daunting. I keep putting it off blaming the above reasons and saying we just need more time, it is probably just a phase. Part of me never wants to seek a diagnosis, why can't I just accept who he is without putting a label on it? Another part of me wants to seek diagnosis to be told it really is just a phase and he will grow out of it. And yet another part of me thinks I need the validation a diagnosis would bring. So I can use that to say no you don't understand he is ..... That just feels like the wrong reason though, and I am ashamed to even think that way. But the truth is I am at my breaking point. I need some validation and some help. Seeking an answer would really help me to move forward. I have no desire to change him, but I need to better understand him and what his needs are. I need to learn how to better serve him as his mother and teacher.
The future. We have always wanted to homeschool. This past year it has become apparent that I can not traditionally homeschool Isaac. He does not learn this way. Isaac lives in his own world most of the time, he learns what is relevant to him, in his own way, on his own terms. There really is no other way and to force him to go against that just seems unproductive. This is what lead me to the unschooling approach. It seems the only logical answer to our situation with Isaac and the more I learn and am inspired by it the more I realize this would be for us anyway.
I know I am being vague about what exactly it is that I find unique about Isaac and his way of life. Again I hate to put him in a box and say this is who he is. Let me just say that he lives in his own world and is rather unaffected by anything outside that world. He will, from time to time, invite others into his world, but it always has to be on his own terms. He is smart, that child can remember and relate things that are astounding. He has a wonderful imagination, he will play for hours upon hours in an empty box (as he is doing now) and have dialogue with himself that is nothing short of complex and comical. He has the sweetest and biggest heart. Just last night he was over concerned that Aralyn get a soft blanket for bed. When Nat joked to Aralyn that she would have to sleep with this rough, hard blanket, Isaac yelled from his bed for 10 min insisting that she get a soft blanket cause he love her. He can be rather inappropriate sometimes in public, he gets extremely hyperactive in most public situations and sometimes even aggressive. If he does not want someone in his space he lets them know about it. He will spend hours sitting still and listen to a book he enjoys, watching a movie, or playing computer games but has a five second attention span on most other things. He is clumsy and spastic, he is repetitive and obsessive.
I can go on and on. The fact is he is Isaac, and there is not one thing I can say to fully describe him.
If I were to put a label on him, and at this point I am still not ready for that, I would lean towards aspergers. He also has issues with sensory integration disorder. At this point I will just say he is an individual and as all individuals he has certain needs that I am trying rather hard to understand and meet.
Thanks for listening, I needed to get that off my chest. It is a hard thing to talk about.
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